Rollercoaster Ride

So far, 2015 has started off like a roller coaster ride or maybe more like a sled ride down a huge snow covered hill with major peaks and deep valleys  I'm making that analogy because of the vast amount of snow we've gotten over the past 4 weeks.  In my area, close to 70 inches.  It's amazing.  And while it is beautiful, it's a bear to move and there's nowhere to put it.

Then my husband's brother (my favorite in-law) passed away unexpectedly one week before Super Bowl.  My husband and he were close.  They would talk through every New England Patriots game..... sometimes yelling, sometimes agreeing... but always on the same side. They would talk regularly through the week, too, about anything and everything - the weather, landscape work, how to upload songs to the mp3 player, what's going in with the Celtics/Patriots/politics. My husband, though he doesn't say much, misses those conversation - misses the family connection - just misses his brother.  I miss him calling the house and joking around on the phone.  I miss spending a Sunday afternoon with my brother-in-law and his wife - going out to dinner or browsing through an antique shop.

And now my former brother-in-law is dying. I've been separated & divorced from his brother for 40 years but I still thought of my former brother-in-law as family. I loved him. My heart aches for his son, daughter and granddaughter.  I recently went to see him after he was admitted to the local hospice facility.  It was difficult to see him so thin - so frail - so quiet.  And yet, it was good to see him smile, to give him a hug, to talk to him a little.  It was good to let him know I love him.

I'm hoping that with the melting of the snow - then end of this winter - will bring some calm, some hope..... Spring.

Leaping into 2015

Since I ended the year by sorting through and dumping excess baggage, I thought I'd start the new year with some thoughts and plans for the new year.

NO  I am not making resolutions

YES I am making plans

I used to make resolutions but realized pretty quickly that resolutions rarely work.  Just like I believe that if you want to make a change, there's no point in waiting until Monday, waiting until the beginning of some arbitrary period or waiting until the new year.  The best time to start is now.

My biggest plan for 2015, is to take my doll clothes business from occasional sales up to steady sales. That requires certain steps including education.  Creatively, I'm good.  But Marketing, is where I struggle. But I'm learning.  I've joined an online group that's monitored by a marketing professional. I can't believe the awesome exchange of ideas with people. Everyone is so ready and willing to share tips and tricks.  I'm loving this group so far and have found a way to increase my productivity while exercising my creativity.  On the marketing side, I'll be getting some books and reading some suggested blogs for making myself more visible through social media.  It's all so exciting.

I am continuing with my workout plan but I've really got to get back on track with healthier food choices.  I've slacked off a bit through the holidays and I don't like the way I feel.  It surprises me how easy it is to cave to temptation. So I'll be back at smaller meals, more protein, more whole grains, more fruits and veggies and lemon water!  Lots and lots of lemon water.  I actually love it.

There's an awful lot of illness going around.  My daughters and grandkids have been hit with sinus infections, bronchitis, colds, stomach viruses, etc.  There are some things happening that I'm really concerned about.  I'm hoping and praying that we find out just what exactly the problem is and can move forward with appropriate treatment.

One wonderful thing to start off 2015........my daughter broke up with her loser boyfriend!  YAY!  We're all entitled to make mistakes but hers lasted way too long for my liking.  OMG!  This guy may not have been the bottom of the barrel but he was the kind who sinks to the bottom unless someone else grabs him and pulls him toward the top.  I guess he doesn't want to exert the effort to climb to the top on his own.  So glad he's gone! And, get this!  He tried to friend request me on Facebook.  LOL!

Speaking of FB - I'm really disappointed in some of my FB friends lately. I'm surprised at how intolerant people are of each other.  Who doesn't want to see this ones status or that ones status.  Then you get the ridiculous comments like, "This is MY facebook..."  "This is MY page..."  My opinion - it's supposed to be social media!  It's on the internet!  It's the world wide web! It isn't all about you!  It's very sad because I used to view FB as being able to stay in touch with friends and relatives both near and far.  I liked the sharing of pictures and thoughts and ideas.  Seems like the pictures of good times have all become selfies.  Seems like the sharing of thoughts and ideas resorts to intolerance of others, name calling and shaming.  It's very sad.  I'm not going to be a part of that stuff and will be focusing mostly on my business social media - Facebook & Twitter.  I will check my FB daily only because I'll be on my business site but I have no plans on getting involved in the bullshit.

So I'm off - quick workout then I'm making dinner:  Homemade Zuppa Toscana with salad and homemade Italian bread.  Ciao!

2014 Purge

Yup, I'm purging - letting go of things that I've been holding onto.  Mostly things that have kept me angry at or about someone or something.  Mind you, I won't forget.  Forgetting would be just stupid on my part. But I won't stew about it if I just let it all out.  Here goes:

• Unfriended/Blocked People - If I've unfriended or blocked you, it's because you either did something, said something or just plain lied to or about me or someone in my family or a close personal friend.  You can say it isn't so.  You can say I'm unkind.  But facts are facts.  I don't care what your reasons are.  I don't care how you feel.  Does that sound harsh?  Well you didn't care.  You thought no one would ever know.  You thought someone would keep things to themselves and/or that know one would ever know it was you.  Doesn't matter.
• CR - I cannot stand you. You don't know your place.  You are rude and ignorant.  You are a cheat, liar and sneak.  What surprises me is your accomplice. No matter what happens in the future, you do not exist for me.
• D - my heart aches. I thought you were someone else.  I never dreamed that you'd do what you did.  My heart aches.
• In 2014, I was accused of posting something secret on Facebook about someone's HS aged grandchild. IF I posted something that would mean others would have had to see it with my name attached to it. Why was I accused?  Because I have FB, the accuser does not, and because someone told her that they read it on FB, she assumed I posted the so-called secret.  My husband was called and yelled at, I was yelled at, terrible things were said about me, and I was snubbed.  Within hours, she found out that her granddaughter told the secret to one of her friends who posted it on FB.  I NEVER received an apology - to my face or otherwise.  I continue to be snubbed for something I didn't do.  Well, all I have to say to that is fuck you.  I've got no use for you.  When you call here, I don't answer (thank you for caller id).  I won't give you or your bitch daughter another thought.  If I never see you again it would be too soon.  And if you think that I'm being harsh, I'm fine with that.  It is my intention.
• M - I will always hate you for the things you did and said to my granddaughter.
• DP - I am surprised at your behavior.  Since you were lied to and cheated on, I wouldn't think you'd assist someone in doing the same to someone else.  I really am surprised.
• BV and RSS - I want nothing to do with either of you because of the pain and heartache you've caused to my sister.
• V - I am glad you moved away.  How dare you say those things about my husband who did nothing but look out for you. Then the neighbors told us how you told them we stole from you when we never did.  What reason would we have.  You have nothing we ever wanted.  In fact if anyone was trying to steal, it was you. You tried to take advantage of your mother's failing health and dementia for your own personal gain and to push us out.  Thankfully, we found out before it was too late. You were mean and unkind.  I am glad you are gone from here and no longer in our lives.  Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Whew!!!! OMG!  that felt great!  cathartic!

As The Year Ends

Year end brings on reflection - reflection of the past year and, for me, reflection of the past decade.  I've learned and experienced a lot in the past year as most of us have.  It's mostly about relationships and feelings but I've also discovered new boundary lines.  Is it age that makes me see my own boundaries more clearly?  Is it the same for others?  Is it wisdom based on age and experience?  Or, is it that the end of time is closer and the need to make the remaining years good ones - happy ones - surrounded only by those of my choosing?  Maybe it's all of the above.

Over the past year, there have been quite a few friends, relatives and neighbors that have passed. I know it's just part of life but it's difficult.  I guess as I've aged I also realize how short our time really is. I remember feeling as if I had all the time in the world.  In the past couple of years - and probably because my doctor actually said "you have 20-25 years or so left so let's make sure we keep on top of your health so you'll have quality time - I've realized that all the time in the world isn't all that long. And as hard as it was to hear, I want this next phase of my life to be as great as possible.

I know I can't totally eliminate stress nor do I want to.  Certain types of stress are healthy. For the next decade, I plan to eliminate as much drama as possible. I've unfriended and/or blocked people from my FB in the past couple of years and I can't even begin to tell you what a relief it has been. I've also decided what the criteria for my friend requesting and/or friend request accepting is.  So far, I've stuck to it and don't plan on changing it. I couldn't care less how high my "Friends" number is.  And to be quite honest, I'm still "friends" with some people on FB because unfriending or blocking them would cause a problem. However, those people see little to none of my wall or pictures because I have them limited to what they can view.  Believe it or not, it's been hugely helpful in reducing drama.

Also for the next decade, I am going to be more mindful of my health - better sleep habits, making healthier choices in meals, continue to consistently workout and use weights.

But my biggest biggest thing I need to do for me for the next decade is to accept my changing face.  Yeah, that's been really difficult for me.  I am not 20 or 30 anymore and never will be again.  I've been hating what I see even though I know there's so much more to me than the outside appearance.  I need to accept that what I see - the lines, the wrinkles, the overall changes - ARE a reflection of my life.  I should be cherishing the crinkly little laugh lines instead of stressing over the fact that they are there.  I have friends who died young and never had the opportunity to have laugh lines.  So what am I gonna do to feel better about my looks....take good care of my skin, teeth, hair....accept that I am older and use makeup accordingly (less is more so they say)....and pamper me more than I do now.  Maybe a once a week or every other week, home spa day.  Yeah!  I like that.

The next thing will be a 2014 Purge blog to rid myself of things I've been holding onto from the past year or so.

And with that - so begins my new decade!

Ahhh.... A Return to Normalcy

I cannot believe how long it's been since I blogged!  Things have been really crazy lately.  First, the move from the smaller house to the larger house was trying to say the least.  The amount of "stuff" a person can accumulate in 20+ years is remarkable. I found crazy pieces of paper with stuff written on it or scribbles or doodles that for some unknown reason, I felt the need to save.  So I sorted through all the stuff:  Trash - Shred - Donate - Keep - Yard Sale.  I tried to be as organized as possible with Trash going immediately out the door and Keep being put away immediately.  I called a local donation agency to pick up the Donations and the Shred stuff will be dropped off at the next local shredding event.  It felt good after sorting through everything but I found it harder than expected to purge myself of some things and to be quite honest, I haven't completely been able to do it.  Some of it is still sitting there waiting for me to have the courage.  What kind of things, you ask?  Anything that belonged to my mother or that has her name on it.  If I do anything other than keeping it, I feel like I am discarding her.  I'm not and I know that.  However, the emotional side says differently.  So I've been dealing with what I can for as long as I can then I stop.  I've still got clothing of hers that will never - ever - fit me.  Yet I can't let go.

We are in the larger house now and it really does look amazing!  All the floors are redone and our furniture looks fantastic in this house.  Because the walls are logs, it was just a matter of washing them down.  I did get some new rugs and reworked some curtains to fit these windows.

Anyway, it's on to finishing the clean up of the old house and renting it out.  Not looking forward to that but...  Also, I've got to really focus on ramping up my inventory for a Christmas Bazaar in a month.  So I'm off!  Hope it's not more than a month to my next blog.  Enjoy!  Peace!

Just "plarn" - ing around!

I had so much fun making these hats and bags for my store, Made Magical (check out https://www.mademagical.webs.com for links to my Facebook page and stores).  They're are made of 100% recycled material called plarn.  Plarn is short for plastic yarn. It's made from plastic grocery bags.  So it's just another way of keeping those pesky plastic grocery bags from landfills.

So I asked friends and family for their grocery bags and made my plarn.  Then, I sat down with my crochet hook and decided to make hats and bags.  I "winged" the first couple of hats and bags then decided to try writing my own pattern.  Thought they came out really cute.  I used a single crochet stitch to get a kind of straw hat/bag look.

I'll be making more and posting them to my Storenvy and Etsy shops.  They won't be available on eBay.  But get this - I've got them in my shop for only $5.00!

On to other things.... I've got piriformis syndrome a.g.a.i.n!  Let me tell you, this time it is so incredibly painful.  I know how I triggered it too - cardio!  I hate cardio!  I love my workouts - strength training with weights is my favorite but I also know that cardio is important too.  But this time, I was in a hurry to get my workout in so I could finish the hats and get them posted.  I didn't properly warm up and my mind really wasn't in it.  My bad.  So I'm suffering now.  Heat, ibuprofen and stretching - that's all I've been doing in between everything else.  You know, the mundane daily grind stuff.

Tomorrow I'm hoping to feel better and will try some weight, strength and stretching.  Hopefully that will help then I think going to some local yard sales, drying herbs and canning tomatoes.  Let's see what tomorrow brings.

 

The Times They Are A-Changing....

Over the past few years, it seems that the changes to my family's lives have been huge. Just when we think the ground has stopped shaking, another shock comes along.  It's been a real struggle for us all - loss of loved ones, divorce, betrayals, relocations - you name it and it's happened. I'm not saying that there haven't been any changes before now.  What would life be if there were never any changes?  It'd be boring - no progress whatsoever. I think what separates this time from all others is that our very foundation has taken a major blow - the hub of our family, my Mom, passed. She was the central person that brought everyone together.  We all congregated around her.  Now, it seems, we're trying to find our hub.  I know it's natural.  It's been going on for centuries.  But doesn't change the fact it's unnerving. I think we're trying to define ourselves again - define our family. I totally agree with the saying "you can't pick your relatives".  BUT you can pick your family.  Being related by blood doesn't make someone family.  Family is the core.  Family is the base.

Another major change is for 30 years, we and extended family (my husband's stepmother, R, and her daughter, V) have lived together on one property - separate space - one property.  For 30 years, my husband took care of everything - lawn, gardens, orchard, repairs, upgrades, etc.  We shared all expenses, shared the garden and orchard pickings, etc.  Two years ago, R died and the property became solely our responsibility.  My husband and I agreed felt that since this is V's home, she should stay right here if she wants but paying rent.  V has recently decided to live in the city - in a condo with 11 other unit - to get some rest - to make some friends. Listen!  Seriously, I don't get it but whatever.  But in her decision to leave, she's been making mean comments.  I suppose that she needs to do that to make the break from her country home for the past 30 years to her condo in the city.  She's a funny person to know.  Since her mother died, her friends have stopped coming or calling as have her aunt, uncles and cousins.

Anyway, we're now anxious for her to leave! Maybe that sounds mean but right now we plan on making some major improvements on the space she's currently living in (she fought us tooth and nail when we wanted to do it just before her mother died).  Improvements like updating the kitchen and new windows. Will we move into her space?  Will we rent out her space?  Will we take over the whole house and make it just one?  Who knows but it's kind of exciting!

Maybe this is just the thing we need to pull our family together - to find our core - to find our hub.