Over the past few years, it seems that the changes to my family's lives have been huge. Just when we think the ground has stopped shaking, another shock comes along. It's been a real struggle for us all - loss of loved ones, divorce, betrayals, relocations - you name it and it's happened. I'm not saying that there haven't been any changes before now. What would life be if there were never any changes? It'd be boring - no progress whatsoever. I think what separates this time from all others is that our very foundation has taken a major blow - the hub of our family, my Mom, passed. She was the central person that brought everyone together. We all congregated around her. Now, it seems, we're trying to find our hub. I know it's natural. It's been going on for centuries. But doesn't change the fact it's unnerving. I think we're trying to define ourselves again - define our family. I totally agree with the saying "you can't pick your relatives". BUT you can pick your family. Being related by blood doesn't make someone family. Family is the core. Family is the base.
Another major change is for 30 years, we and extended family (my husband's stepmother, R, and her daughter, V) have lived together on one property - separate space - one property. For 30 years, my husband took care of everything - lawn, gardens, orchard, repairs, upgrades, etc. We shared all expenses, shared the garden and orchard pickings, etc. Two years ago, R died and the property became solely our responsibility. My husband and I agreed felt that since this is V's home, she should stay right here if she wants but paying rent. V has recently decided to live in the city - in a condo with 11 other unit - to get some rest - to make some friends. Listen! Seriously, I don't get it but whatever. But in her decision to leave, she's been making mean comments. I suppose that she needs to do that to make the break from her country home for the past 30 years to her condo in the city. She's a funny person to know. Since her mother died, her friends have stopped coming or calling as have her aunt, uncles and cousins.
Anyway, we're now anxious for her to leave! Maybe that sounds mean but right now we plan on making some major improvements on the space she's currently living in (she fought us tooth and nail when we wanted to do it just before her mother died). Improvements like updating the kitchen and new windows. Will we move into her space? Will we rent out her space? Will we take over the whole house and make it just one? Who knows but it's kind of exciting!
Maybe this is just the thing we need to pull our family together - to find our core - to find our hub.
No comments:
Post a Comment