2014 Purge

Yup, I'm purging - letting go of things that I've been holding onto.  Mostly things that have kept me angry at or about someone or something.  Mind you, I won't forget.  Forgetting would be just stupid on my part. But I won't stew about it if I just let it all out.  Here goes:

• Unfriended/Blocked People - If I've unfriended or blocked you, it's because you either did something, said something or just plain lied to or about me or someone in my family or a close personal friend.  You can say it isn't so.  You can say I'm unkind.  But facts are facts.  I don't care what your reasons are.  I don't care how you feel.  Does that sound harsh?  Well you didn't care.  You thought no one would ever know.  You thought someone would keep things to themselves and/or that know one would ever know it was you.  Doesn't matter.
• CR - I cannot stand you. You don't know your place.  You are rude and ignorant.  You are a cheat, liar and sneak.  What surprises me is your accomplice. No matter what happens in the future, you do not exist for me.
• D - my heart aches. I thought you were someone else.  I never dreamed that you'd do what you did.  My heart aches.
• In 2014, I was accused of posting something secret on Facebook about someone's HS aged grandchild. IF I posted something that would mean others would have had to see it with my name attached to it. Why was I accused?  Because I have FB, the accuser does not, and because someone told her that they read it on FB, she assumed I posted the so-called secret.  My husband was called and yelled at, I was yelled at, terrible things were said about me, and I was snubbed.  Within hours, she found out that her granddaughter told the secret to one of her friends who posted it on FB.  I NEVER received an apology - to my face or otherwise.  I continue to be snubbed for something I didn't do.  Well, all I have to say to that is fuck you.  I've got no use for you.  When you call here, I don't answer (thank you for caller id).  I won't give you or your bitch daughter another thought.  If I never see you again it would be too soon.  And if you think that I'm being harsh, I'm fine with that.  It is my intention.
• M - I will always hate you for the things you did and said to my granddaughter.
• DP - I am surprised at your behavior.  Since you were lied to and cheated on, I wouldn't think you'd assist someone in doing the same to someone else.  I really am surprised.
• BV and RSS - I want nothing to do with either of you because of the pain and heartache you've caused to my sister.
• V - I am glad you moved away.  How dare you say those things about my husband who did nothing but look out for you. Then the neighbors told us how you told them we stole from you when we never did.  What reason would we have.  You have nothing we ever wanted.  In fact if anyone was trying to steal, it was you. You tried to take advantage of your mother's failing health and dementia for your own personal gain and to push us out.  Thankfully, we found out before it was too late. You were mean and unkind.  I am glad you are gone from here and no longer in our lives.  Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Whew!!!! OMG!  that felt great!  cathartic!

As The Year Ends

Year end brings on reflection - reflection of the past year and, for me, reflection of the past decade.  I've learned and experienced a lot in the past year as most of us have.  It's mostly about relationships and feelings but I've also discovered new boundary lines.  Is it age that makes me see my own boundaries more clearly?  Is it the same for others?  Is it wisdom based on age and experience?  Or, is it that the end of time is closer and the need to make the remaining years good ones - happy ones - surrounded only by those of my choosing?  Maybe it's all of the above.

Over the past year, there have been quite a few friends, relatives and neighbors that have passed. I know it's just part of life but it's difficult.  I guess as I've aged I also realize how short our time really is. I remember feeling as if I had all the time in the world.  In the past couple of years - and probably because my doctor actually said "you have 20-25 years or so left so let's make sure we keep on top of your health so you'll have quality time - I've realized that all the time in the world isn't all that long. And as hard as it was to hear, I want this next phase of my life to be as great as possible.

I know I can't totally eliminate stress nor do I want to.  Certain types of stress are healthy. For the next decade, I plan to eliminate as much drama as possible. I've unfriended and/or blocked people from my FB in the past couple of years and I can't even begin to tell you what a relief it has been. I've also decided what the criteria for my friend requesting and/or friend request accepting is.  So far, I've stuck to it and don't plan on changing it. I couldn't care less how high my "Friends" number is.  And to be quite honest, I'm still "friends" with some people on FB because unfriending or blocking them would cause a problem. However, those people see little to none of my wall or pictures because I have them limited to what they can view.  Believe it or not, it's been hugely helpful in reducing drama.

Also for the next decade, I am going to be more mindful of my health - better sleep habits, making healthier choices in meals, continue to consistently workout and use weights.

But my biggest biggest thing I need to do for me for the next decade is to accept my changing face.  Yeah, that's been really difficult for me.  I am not 20 or 30 anymore and never will be again.  I've been hating what I see even though I know there's so much more to me than the outside appearance.  I need to accept that what I see - the lines, the wrinkles, the overall changes - ARE a reflection of my life.  I should be cherishing the crinkly little laugh lines instead of stressing over the fact that they are there.  I have friends who died young and never had the opportunity to have laugh lines.  So what am I gonna do to feel better about my looks....take good care of my skin, teeth, hair....accept that I am older and use makeup accordingly (less is more so they say)....and pamper me more than I do now.  Maybe a once a week or every other week, home spa day.  Yeah!  I like that.

The next thing will be a 2014 Purge blog to rid myself of things I've been holding onto from the past year or so.

And with that - so begins my new decade!

Ahhh.... A Return to Normalcy

I cannot believe how long it's been since I blogged!  Things have been really crazy lately.  First, the move from the smaller house to the larger house was trying to say the least.  The amount of "stuff" a person can accumulate in 20+ years is remarkable. I found crazy pieces of paper with stuff written on it or scribbles or doodles that for some unknown reason, I felt the need to save.  So I sorted through all the stuff:  Trash - Shred - Donate - Keep - Yard Sale.  I tried to be as organized as possible with Trash going immediately out the door and Keep being put away immediately.  I called a local donation agency to pick up the Donations and the Shred stuff will be dropped off at the next local shredding event.  It felt good after sorting through everything but I found it harder than expected to purge myself of some things and to be quite honest, I haven't completely been able to do it.  Some of it is still sitting there waiting for me to have the courage.  What kind of things, you ask?  Anything that belonged to my mother or that has her name on it.  If I do anything other than keeping it, I feel like I am discarding her.  I'm not and I know that.  However, the emotional side says differently.  So I've been dealing with what I can for as long as I can then I stop.  I've still got clothing of hers that will never - ever - fit me.  Yet I can't let go.

We are in the larger house now and it really does look amazing!  All the floors are redone and our furniture looks fantastic in this house.  Because the walls are logs, it was just a matter of washing them down.  I did get some new rugs and reworked some curtains to fit these windows.

Anyway, it's on to finishing the clean up of the old house and renting it out.  Not looking forward to that but...  Also, I've got to really focus on ramping up my inventory for a Christmas Bazaar in a month.  So I'm off!  Hope it's not more than a month to my next blog.  Enjoy!  Peace!

Just "plarn" - ing around!

I had so much fun making these hats and bags for my store, Made Magical (check out https://www.mademagical.webs.com for links to my Facebook page and stores).  They're are made of 100% recycled material called plarn.  Plarn is short for plastic yarn. It's made from plastic grocery bags.  So it's just another way of keeping those pesky plastic grocery bags from landfills.

So I asked friends and family for their grocery bags and made my plarn.  Then, I sat down with my crochet hook and decided to make hats and bags.  I "winged" the first couple of hats and bags then decided to try writing my own pattern.  Thought they came out really cute.  I used a single crochet stitch to get a kind of straw hat/bag look.

I'll be making more and posting them to my Storenvy and Etsy shops.  They won't be available on eBay.  But get this - I've got them in my shop for only $5.00!

On to other things.... I've got piriformis syndrome a.g.a.i.n!  Let me tell you, this time it is so incredibly painful.  I know how I triggered it too - cardio!  I hate cardio!  I love my workouts - strength training with weights is my favorite but I also know that cardio is important too.  But this time, I was in a hurry to get my workout in so I could finish the hats and get them posted.  I didn't properly warm up and my mind really wasn't in it.  My bad.  So I'm suffering now.  Heat, ibuprofen and stretching - that's all I've been doing in between everything else.  You know, the mundane daily grind stuff.

Tomorrow I'm hoping to feel better and will try some weight, strength and stretching.  Hopefully that will help then I think going to some local yard sales, drying herbs and canning tomatoes.  Let's see what tomorrow brings.

 

The Times They Are A-Changing....

Over the past few years, it seems that the changes to my family's lives have been huge. Just when we think the ground has stopped shaking, another shock comes along.  It's been a real struggle for us all - loss of loved ones, divorce, betrayals, relocations - you name it and it's happened. I'm not saying that there haven't been any changes before now.  What would life be if there were never any changes?  It'd be boring - no progress whatsoever. I think what separates this time from all others is that our very foundation has taken a major blow - the hub of our family, my Mom, passed. She was the central person that brought everyone together.  We all congregated around her.  Now, it seems, we're trying to find our hub.  I know it's natural.  It's been going on for centuries.  But doesn't change the fact it's unnerving. I think we're trying to define ourselves again - define our family. I totally agree with the saying "you can't pick your relatives".  BUT you can pick your family.  Being related by blood doesn't make someone family.  Family is the core.  Family is the base.

Another major change is for 30 years, we and extended family (my husband's stepmother, R, and her daughter, V) have lived together on one property - separate space - one property.  For 30 years, my husband took care of everything - lawn, gardens, orchard, repairs, upgrades, etc.  We shared all expenses, shared the garden and orchard pickings, etc.  Two years ago, R died and the property became solely our responsibility.  My husband and I agreed felt that since this is V's home, she should stay right here if she wants but paying rent.  V has recently decided to live in the city - in a condo with 11 other unit - to get some rest - to make some friends. Listen!  Seriously, I don't get it but whatever.  But in her decision to leave, she's been making mean comments.  I suppose that she needs to do that to make the break from her country home for the past 30 years to her condo in the city.  She's a funny person to know.  Since her mother died, her friends have stopped coming or calling as have her aunt, uncles and cousins.

Anyway, we're now anxious for her to leave! Maybe that sounds mean but right now we plan on making some major improvements on the space she's currently living in (she fought us tooth and nail when we wanted to do it just before her mother died).  Improvements like updating the kitchen and new windows. Will we move into her space?  Will we rent out her space?  Will we take over the whole house and make it just one?  Who knows but it's kind of exciting!

Maybe this is just the thing we need to pull our family together - to find our core - to find our hub.

Suffering suffering suffering.... (aka I hate allergies!)

Forget the "your body changes every 7 years" or "as you age your allergies will disappear" bull crap!  The only change I can note with regard to allergies is that every 7 years that I become allergic to something I've never been allergic to and less allergic to something I've been allergic to.  And as far as disappearing? Fuhgetaboutit!  They certainly don't seem to be getting any less aggravating and incapacitating.

I'm lying on my couch this cool summer Sunday with swollen itchy eyes, red nose, and "married" to a box of tissue.  I've used my Nasonex, Claritin, allergy eye drops and finally, giving in to Benadryl and yes I am still suffering and not the least bit sleepy or showing signs that the reaction will ease.  So I checked www.pollen.com to find out what could be kicking up this latest flare-up and find, in my area, it's grasses, plantain and nettle.

Ah, yes!  That explains it!  Grasses.  Mixed Grasses.  We're surrounded by grasses.  Another item to add to the list.  I only noticed in the past couple of years that when grass pollen is up, my allergies get worse.

Oh, well nothing I can do except take another benadryl in a couple of hours, hold tight to box of tissue and ride it out.

Needling to Plant Seedlings

Just seeing the very beginnings of my seed sprouts is so exciting. It means Spring and vegetable garden planting... fresh tomatoes - squash - peppers - herbs!  I've got heat mats and some grow lights helping with the process.  Worked awesome for the squash, pumpkin, cuke plants and somewhat for the tomatoes, lettuce, spinach and escarole.  The peppers, as in past year, have been very stubborn to sprout.

Now, however, it seems like they've stalled!  Maybe it's me trying to rush the season.... me saying to myself, "I've only got a month & 1/2 before these babies are to be transplanted!"  or maybe it's because I really can't wait for those nice ripe tomatoes and  peppers - fresh salad - the drying basil and oregano smells filling the house.

So my plan til planting time:

• warmth and light for the seedlings - considering moving the plants onto the deck behind protection to gain more of the warmth and sunlight.
• light, light fertilizer on a weekly basis
• transplanting the squash, pumpkin and cukes into larger pots
• continuing to put them on heat mats through the night

And I welcome any other suggestions.  I'm thinking of having my husband build me a small greenhouse...

My 1st Morning Muse

Hello, morning! Everyone talks about how long this winter has been.  I guess people are feeling it more this year because we've had a lot of snow and exceptionally cold temps.  But it's winter, people! It's supposed to be cold.  We're supposed to have snow.  It's part of living in New England.

But, as much as I love winter - all the seasons actually except for the hot hazy humid days of summer - I am looking forward to spring - warmer temps, more sunlight and sprouting plants.  This weekend we turn the clocks an hour forward.  The thing I don't understand is why do we do that in the first place?  I mean, we turn the clocks back an hour in fall and an hour forward in the spring.  What's the point?  Why don't we just leave the clock alone. Well I'm adding a link to the history (at the end of muse) but I really do think it seems like a waste of time.

So I'm really feeling the need to add some spring this weekend. I think the best way to do that would be to figure out if I want to start plants indoors soon. I've done it for the past couple of years but the plants don't seem to get as big and robust as you see in the greenhouse.  I tried using a heating element under my plants last year and that helped but they aren't getting enough light.  So I'm considering buying a plant light or two to help. But the next question, is this really going to be cost effective?  What type of light do I really need? Does it need to be one that just provide what sunlight would provide or should it also provide heat? How much will it increase my energy bill?  UGH! I'll be doing some research on that and getting back to you all on the outcome.

So in addition to planning my garden, here's a list of some other things I'm planning to do to get my spring mojo on...

• Weeding through my clothes- omg! I've got so many clothes that I never even look at
• Continuing my workout (big posting for another day)
• Getting my 15" and 18" spring & summer doll clothing line out and posted
• Organizing my sewing area
• Bringing in some dormant forsythia branches to bloom

So stay tuned.... planning some pictures and many more musings.

Here's the link to Daylight Saving Time - http://geography.about.com/cs/daylightsavings/a/dst.htm

Til next time....