When Illness Strikes...

I'm having trouble absorbing it. It seems unreal. My daughter - my child - my baby has metastasized melanoma.  While 44 may not be a young child, she's still my child, my baby.  My daughter, her family, in fact, our entire family has been blind-sided.

In late February, my daughter was brought to the hospital thinking she had the flu or stomach virus and was dehydrated from her illness. Within 2 weeks, she was found to have an aggressive form of metastasized melanoma of which the source has not been found.  At the end of that 2 weeks, she had 2 major surgeries to remove a cancerous tumor on her spine that fractured some discs and repair her spine.  She's had radiation on the area and begun chemo treatments.  After 10 +/- weeks of hospitalization and rehab, she was finally able to go home to continue rehabilitation and chemo. Long weeks away from home.  Long weeks away from family.  Long weeks of pain, disbelief, heartache.  But she's home and that's the most important thing.

Since my Mom died 6 years ago, our family has been rocked by something major almost every year.  I just wish to go back to the time when things stayed the same.  Sounds ridiculous, I know, but there was a time when things stayed pretty constant.  Sure there were some losses..... moving away, divorces, deaths.  There were also additions.... marriages, new babies.  But the last 6 years have been different. We've lost many close friends and relatives, many fighting serious illness, many surviving those illnesses and many not. But it just seems that recently major change is the norm.  It's hard to deal with all the time and now this!

 My daughter has quite a fight ahead of her and I'm hoping - no praying! - that she's got the will and the stamina to get through it.  She's had a really tough time so far. She's having a difficult time going from being just her to now being sick all the time.  Having to deal with the fact that the illness now has taken over - is dictating her every move - has taken center stage in her thoughts, dreams, actions.  I'm heartbroken.  We're heartbroken.  But trying to stay positive. Trying to project a positive, stable front.  Trying to not cry all the time.  Trying to accept this new norm.