Early Morning Rise

It's easily a month since I got up early!  Since the weather change, I've not been waking up until 8am and truthfully, I hate that.  I've never been a late sleeper and yes, 8 a.n. is late to me.  I've been like this always.  I feel like I'm missing something if I'm not up just when the sun comes up.  It also makes me feel like the day goes by too quickly.  Getting up early was never a big deal when I was working but now that I'm "retired" it's so much more difficult.  I've got things on my mind today.  My baby (hardly a baby since she's in her 40s) is having some medical testing today and, I'm worried.  More scared than worried and I'm praying hard for the best possible outcome because I know there's a problem and I don't like the direction my mind is taking.  Anyway.....

Speaking of retiring.  Do you know it has taken me 3-4 years to finally sleep past 5 a.m.  I also am finally feeling less and less like I'm doing nothing.  You know, everyone told me I'd be bored.  I'm not.  In fact, I'm far from bored.  I've got so much to do it's not funny!  And yes, my house is clean - very very clean!  I'm not spending entire days cleaning either.  And with my husband also retired, I've got help inside cleaning and he's got help outside cleaning.  And I am working out on a regular basis so physically and mentally, I am feeling better than when I was working.  I'm also able to actually can and preserve the fruits and veggies we're getting from the garden and small orchard.  Mind you, I have been canning and preserving since June so I am pretty sick of it now :D

I've also got my small - very small - online doll clothes business which keeps me really busy.  I'm still learning the ropes - pricing, descriptions, posting, marketing, shipping, blogging, tweeting, Facebook!  On top of all that I'm trying to figure out what sells best and what will make me stand out from the crowd.  And I'm doing a craft show the Sunday after Thanksgiving and need to ramp up my inventory.  So I'm really busy.  It's been very slow and the competition is incredible.  It's never going to be something that makes me alot of money but it is fun and it is creative..... and it makes me feel useful.  Yes, I said useful.

Seems, recently, that I've felt or realized that I'm well pass middle age.  I don't think that we give much thought to those things when we're younger.  We're so busy with working and raising families.  We almost feel like life goes on forever.  When life slows down and we retire from the daily grind, we realize that it's not forever - that we're approaching the end.  When I retired I didn't expect to feel useless -like I have no purpose anymore.  But I did feel that way and is probably one of the reasons for starting my online business.  It's made me realize how other older people must feel.  I worry that I will someday be too old for doing the things I love to do and that I'll be like my grandmother was - sitting alone in her living room- watching television - counting the days to the end.  My grandmother is a story for another day.

I remember when and how it felt to feel like I had my whole life ahead of me and I remember wishing I was older so I could do this, that or the other.  I remember being in my 30s wishing I could retire to do all the things I really liked to do or wanted to do.  Now I wish I could go backwards.

Sorry for the negative turn but I never said this blog would be all happiness and joy.  'Til the next time...