2014 Purge

Yup, I'm purging - letting go of things that I've been holding onto.  Mostly things that have kept me angry at or about someone or something.  Mind you, I won't forget.  Forgetting would be just stupid on my part. But I won't stew about it if I just let it all out.  Here goes:

• Unfriended/Blocked People - If I've unfriended or blocked you, it's because you either did something, said something or just plain lied to or about me or someone in my family or a close personal friend.  You can say it isn't so.  You can say I'm unkind.  But facts are facts.  I don't care what your reasons are.  I don't care how you feel.  Does that sound harsh?  Well you didn't care.  You thought no one would ever know.  You thought someone would keep things to themselves and/or that know one would ever know it was you.  Doesn't matter.
• CR - I cannot stand you. You don't know your place.  You are rude and ignorant.  You are a cheat, liar and sneak.  What surprises me is your accomplice. No matter what happens in the future, you do not exist for me.
• D - my heart aches. I thought you were someone else.  I never dreamed that you'd do what you did.  My heart aches.
• In 2014, I was accused of posting something secret on Facebook about someone's HS aged grandchild. IF I posted something that would mean others would have had to see it with my name attached to it. Why was I accused?  Because I have FB, the accuser does not, and because someone told her that they read it on FB, she assumed I posted the so-called secret.  My husband was called and yelled at, I was yelled at, terrible things were said about me, and I was snubbed.  Within hours, she found out that her granddaughter told the secret to one of her friends who posted it on FB.  I NEVER received an apology - to my face or otherwise.  I continue to be snubbed for something I didn't do.  Well, all I have to say to that is fuck you.  I've got no use for you.  When you call here, I don't answer (thank you for caller id).  I won't give you or your bitch daughter another thought.  If I never see you again it would be too soon.  And if you think that I'm being harsh, I'm fine with that.  It is my intention.
• M - I will always hate you for the things you did and said to my granddaughter.
• DP - I am surprised at your behavior.  Since you were lied to and cheated on, I wouldn't think you'd assist someone in doing the same to someone else.  I really am surprised.
• BV and RSS - I want nothing to do with either of you because of the pain and heartache you've caused to my sister.
• V - I am glad you moved away.  How dare you say those things about my husband who did nothing but look out for you. Then the neighbors told us how you told them we stole from you when we never did.  What reason would we have.  You have nothing we ever wanted.  In fact if anyone was trying to steal, it was you. You tried to take advantage of your mother's failing health and dementia for your own personal gain and to push us out.  Thankfully, we found out before it was too late. You were mean and unkind.  I am glad you are gone from here and no longer in our lives.  Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Whew!!!! OMG!  that felt great!  cathartic!

As The Year Ends

Year end brings on reflection - reflection of the past year and, for me, reflection of the past decade.  I've learned and experienced a lot in the past year as most of us have.  It's mostly about relationships and feelings but I've also discovered new boundary lines.  Is it age that makes me see my own boundaries more clearly?  Is it the same for others?  Is it wisdom based on age and experience?  Or, is it that the end of time is closer and the need to make the remaining years good ones - happy ones - surrounded only by those of my choosing?  Maybe it's all of the above.

Over the past year, there have been quite a few friends, relatives and neighbors that have passed. I know it's just part of life but it's difficult.  I guess as I've aged I also realize how short our time really is. I remember feeling as if I had all the time in the world.  In the past couple of years - and probably because my doctor actually said "you have 20-25 years or so left so let's make sure we keep on top of your health so you'll have quality time - I've realized that all the time in the world isn't all that long. And as hard as it was to hear, I want this next phase of my life to be as great as possible.

I know I can't totally eliminate stress nor do I want to.  Certain types of stress are healthy. For the next decade, I plan to eliminate as much drama as possible. I've unfriended and/or blocked people from my FB in the past couple of years and I can't even begin to tell you what a relief it has been. I've also decided what the criteria for my friend requesting and/or friend request accepting is.  So far, I've stuck to it and don't plan on changing it. I couldn't care less how high my "Friends" number is.  And to be quite honest, I'm still "friends" with some people on FB because unfriending or blocking them would cause a problem. However, those people see little to none of my wall or pictures because I have them limited to what they can view.  Believe it or not, it's been hugely helpful in reducing drama.

Also for the next decade, I am going to be more mindful of my health - better sleep habits, making healthier choices in meals, continue to consistently workout and use weights.

But my biggest biggest thing I need to do for me for the next decade is to accept my changing face.  Yeah, that's been really difficult for me.  I am not 20 or 30 anymore and never will be again.  I've been hating what I see even though I know there's so much more to me than the outside appearance.  I need to accept that what I see - the lines, the wrinkles, the overall changes - ARE a reflection of my life.  I should be cherishing the crinkly little laugh lines instead of stressing over the fact that they are there.  I have friends who died young and never had the opportunity to have laugh lines.  So what am I gonna do to feel better about my looks....take good care of my skin, teeth, hair....accept that I am older and use makeup accordingly (less is more so they say)....and pamper me more than I do now.  Maybe a once a week or every other week, home spa day.  Yeah!  I like that.

The next thing will be a 2014 Purge blog to rid myself of things I've been holding onto from the past year or so.

And with that - so begins my new decade!